I still remember how my hands trembled as i typed my first text to you . A journey only my heart and me traversed from then on....From trembling hands...to a trembling me....as your lips touched mine. Creeping into my thoughts every now and then...as if teasing me...challenging my patience to wait for love...making me impatient...to be loved..You didn't just touch me...you touched something within..your eyes didn't see me...they saw something within...i was beautiful. I felt beautiful...Your being illuminated me from within.. ignited a fire that wanted to destroy everything that stood in our way. A fire that could keep us safe and away from the world...Everytime we touched, it was like adding fuel to it...making it burn brighter. That same old me, that same old house, the same old car...seemed new. Brand new. World seemed new and better. Then came surrender...the sweetest surrender there can be. My being to you. In every way love demanded. I knew that where i was taking four steps towards you, you were taking only one. That was enough to unleash forces within me which i never knew could exist. I stripped my soul naked in front of you...while you watched...You smiled..i stripped some more. You nodded in approval and i kept going. The more i bared my soul, the more beautiful you said i was...where i was shy...you took my hand and pulled me closer...looked into my eyes and said it was okay...It was okay to love...it was okay to bare...provided it was with you and you only...In those words i found my assurances. Assurances of you taking your baby steps towards me. I knew they were just one at a time, unlike mine but they were being taken.
I kept moving further....falling further...loving further....until i turned to you one day..kept my head on your chest just like i love...only to find no heart beating. I tried listening harder. Nothing. I looked at you. You smiled...but this time it was different. Your arms hung loose. They weren't wrapped around me to keep me close anymore. No heart beating...no arms around me...i pulled away...searching for your beating heart. Your heart which you said wanted me. Wanted to be around me...Your heart that wanted to be close to me..I gave you a desperate glance of questioning eyes...You slowly crept up to me like a snake and hissed ..."it was never there"
You hissed...you laughed an evil laugh...while watching me frantically trying to gather back clothes on my soul...that stood bare for so long..You had said once that you had kept pieces of me under your pillow...I rushed to fetch them back on me. But all i found, were pieces of me scattered brutally all around. Trampled upon..torn...strewn like you never cared. I found myself trembling again. I trembled as you kept stinging me with your memories. Kept stinging me with memories of an illusion. Mocking me as i stood bare..laughing harder as i tried to
wipe away your kiss from my soul..wipe away your memories and you from whatever little of me was left with me...
Helpless, i picked up the pieces of me from all around your beastly nest....and brought them together. Desperately trying to patch them together..to give me back to myself. Each time i tried to put a few pieces in order, you kicked them hard. Like evil kids kick dirt in people's eyes.
I stopped. ..closed my eyes..eyes that once had dreamed...and now...which burned...burned from the running stream of heartache...burned from the dreams that now left nothing but fang marks..all over me...all over my eyes...Amidst a screaming silence..i stood there cold and alone ..breathing heavily..Then with immense strength i opened my eyes..Opened my eyes to look straight into you and your falsities. Your lies...your brutal eyes. The same eyes that had once lit up my world.
With the same fire your illusive love had ignited in my heart...that had wanted to protect our little world...that had wanted to glow brighter each time we would make love.....i dowsed the pieces of me. A bonfire of heartache of false promises of a love that never was....I watched me burn. I heard me cry. I burned till the break of dawn....i burned till i couldn't feel anything anymore...
Then.....from my ashes....i rose...
A me shining brighter. Only this time, it wasn't a fire someone else ignited. It was a glow. The glow of a soul reborn. Of a healed heart. A glow....from the knowing of better things to come...a glow of a victor who has defeated death on the battlefield....A heavenly glow that gave me back a new me.
I kept moving further....falling further...loving further....until i turned to you one day..kept my head on your chest just like i love...only to find no heart beating. I tried listening harder. Nothing. I looked at you. You smiled...but this time it was different. Your arms hung loose. They weren't wrapped around me to keep me close anymore. No heart beating...no arms around me...i pulled away...searching for your beating heart. Your heart which you said wanted me. Wanted to be around me...Your heart that wanted to be close to me..I gave you a desperate glance of questioning eyes...You slowly crept up to me like a snake and hissed ..."it was never there"
You hissed...you laughed an evil laugh...while watching me frantically trying to gather back clothes on my soul...that stood bare for so long..You had said once that you had kept pieces of me under your pillow...I rushed to fetch them back on me. But all i found, were pieces of me scattered brutally all around. Trampled upon..torn...strewn like you never cared. I found myself trembling again. I trembled as you kept stinging me with your memories. Kept stinging me with memories of an illusion. Mocking me as i stood bare..laughing harder as i tried to
wipe away your kiss from my soul..wipe away your memories and you from whatever little of me was left with me...
Helpless, i picked up the pieces of me from all around your beastly nest....and brought them together. Desperately trying to patch them together..to give me back to myself. Each time i tried to put a few pieces in order, you kicked them hard. Like evil kids kick dirt in people's eyes.
I stopped. ..closed my eyes..eyes that once had dreamed...and now...which burned...burned from the running stream of heartache...burned from the dreams that now left nothing but fang marks..all over me...all over my eyes...Amidst a screaming silence..i stood there cold and alone ..breathing heavily..Then with immense strength i opened my eyes..Opened my eyes to look straight into you and your falsities. Your lies...your brutal eyes. The same eyes that had once lit up my world.
With the same fire your illusive love had ignited in my heart...that had wanted to protect our little world...that had wanted to glow brighter each time we would make love.....i dowsed the pieces of me. A bonfire of heartache of false promises of a love that never was....I watched me burn. I heard me cry. I burned till the break of dawn....i burned till i couldn't feel anything anymore...
Then.....from my ashes....i rose...
A me shining brighter. Only this time, it wasn't a fire someone else ignited. It was a glow. The glow of a soul reborn. Of a healed heart. A glow....from the knowing of better things to come...a glow of a victor who has defeated death on the battlefield....A heavenly glow that gave me back a new me.
